Mwhahaha te grappig

those that laugh last think slowest.

All things considered, insanity may be the only reasonable alternative.

One day, your prince will come. Mine? Oh, he just took a wrong turn, got lost, and is too stubborn to ask for directions.

Tell your voices to SHUT UP...I can't hear mine...

I didn't fall from heaven, I rose from hell.

We're best friends. You laugh, I laugh. You cry, I cry. You hurt, I hurt. You jump off a bridge, damn, I'm gonna miss your dumb ass.

Don't knock on death's door. Ring the bell and run - he hates that.

If you don't like me, there is nothing I can do. Here's a newsflash: Honey, I don't live to please you.

Life isn't passing me by, it's trying to run me over.

Dear Heart, I met a boy today, prepare to shatter.

A good friend helps you find your prince. A best friend kidnaps him and brings him to you.

A good friend will help you move. A best friend will help you move the bodies.

If two wrongs don't make a right, try three.

Evening News is where they begin with "Good Evening" then proceed to tell you why it isn't.

I understand that Scissors can beat Paper, and I get how Rock can beat Scissors, but there's no way Paper can beat Rock. Is Paper supposed to magically wrap around Rock leaving it immobile? If so, why can't paper do this to scissors? Screw scissors, why can't paper do this to people? Why aren't sheets of college ruled notebook paper constantly suffocating students as they attempt to take notes in class? I'll tell you why, because paper can't beat anybody, a rock would tear that crap up in two seconds. When I play rock/ paper/ scissors, I always choose rock. Then when somebody claims to have beaten me with their paper I can punch them in the face with my ready made fist and say, oh, I'm sorry, I thought paper would protect you, geez!

"Stress: The condition brought on by overriding the body's desire to kick someone's ass."

Sarcasism is your bodys natural defense against stupidity.

"God made man, and then he said, "I can do better than that," and made woman." - Adela Rodgers St. Johns

"I can't die, because I'm the main character of my own life."

Olny 55 pepole otu fo 100 cna raed tihs. Cna yuo?

"People fear the strange and unusual. I am the strange and unusual."

"I reject your reality and substitute my own." Adam Savage, Mythbusters.

I'm the kind of who will burst our laughing in the middle of a dead silence because of something that happened...yesterday.

They say "Guns don't kill people, people kill people." Well I think the guns help. If you stood there and yelled BANG, I don't think you'd kill too many people.

"Boys are like lava lamps, fun to watch but not too bright."

"Please Note: CHRISTMAS IS CANCELED. Apparently you told Santa that you have been good this year...he died laughing."

"I am a bomb technician. If you see me running try and keep up!"

If everything seems to being going well...you have OBVIOUSLY overlooked something...

Whenever you feel pissed off at someone, walk a mile in their shoes. That way, you're a mile away from them...AND YOU HAVE THEIR SHOES! BWHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

"If at first you don't suceed, destroy all evidence that you tried."

FANFICTION: MY ANTI-DRUG. Because, who has time for drugs if you're reading and plotting and writing and checking reviews?

That, my children, is called a wall. But beware, the wall is solid. Yes, be afraid! Be very afraid, for we cannot walk through it! Believe me children, for I have attempted this many times before.

Parents spend the first part of our lives teaching us to walk and talk, and the rest of it telling us to sit down and shut up

Boys are like trees-they take 50 years to grow up.

People used to call me names, but thats ok, they're dead now.

"When life gives you lemons, say hey, I like lemons. Got anything else for me?"

I ran with scissors, and lived!

Once you go fangirl you can never go back.

If you choke a Smurf, what color does it turn?

'It's always in the last place you look' Well DUR! Because you stop looking after you find it! HELLO!

Tell the truth and run.

Having the love of your life say "we can still be friends", is like having your dog die and your mom saying you can still keep it.

My knight in shining armour turned out to be a loser in aluminum foil.

Therapist = The/rapist... scary thought.

You laugh now because you're older than me by mere months, but when you're 30 and I'm still 29, who will be laughing then?

My imaginary friend thinks you have serious problems.

Roxas can take a roundhouse kick in the face from Chuck Norris and STILL look pretty.

You know what makes letting go of a crush so hard? The fear that the moment you let go, they'll catch on.

Music is like candy - you throw away the rappers.

"I will not chase the boys, I will not chase the boys, I will not chase the boys... unless they provoke me!"

MENstrual pain, MENstrual cramps, MENtal anxiety, MENopause... godamnit... all of our problems start with MEN!"

Some people are alive because it's illegal to kill them.

I used to be normal, until I met the freaks that I call my friends.

Boys are like Slinky's, useless, but fun to watch fall down the stairs.

I agree with the dictionary. Girls before guys, partying before studying, and friends before love.

Amateurs built the ark. Professionals built the Titanic...

When angry, count to ten, when very angry, swear.

When life gives you lemons...squirt the juice in your enemy's eyes!

"Love at first sight" is just another way to say "I'm stupid and desperate."

A good friend will comfort you when he breaks up with you. A BEST friend will call him, whispering "Seven days..."

"Don't piss me off, I am running out of places to hide bodies!"

I met some crazy people. They made me their leader!

I'm not afraid of death! What's it going to do? Kill me?

Life is not measured by the breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away.
Keep smiling, it makes people wonder what you're up to.
Best friends are the people that know all about and still put up with you!
A conscience is what hurts when all your other parts feel so good.
Smile, and the world will smile with you. Laugh and they'll all think your on drugs.
There are some days when I just don't feel like talking...Today is that day.
The only reason that I talk to myself is because that I'm the only one whose answers I accept.
Judge me all you want, but keep the verdict to yourself.
You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say will be misquoted and used against you
Excuse me... have you seen my sanity... I think I lost it.
There are people I would take a bullet for and people I would like to put a bullet in.
Everyone has music in them. Only the talented have the ability to share it with the rest of the world
I believe in angels, the Kind that heaven sends ...I'm surrounded By angels, but I call Them my best friends
A black cat crossing your path signifies that the animal is going somewhere.
When life gives you lemons, make grape juice. Then sit back and let the world wonder how you did it.
When your a fat little kid, there are no more see-saws...only catapults
Whose cruel idea was it for the word "lisp" to have an "s" in it?
Whoever said nothing is impossible, never tried slamming a revolving door...
The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
Everyone’s entitled to be stupid but you’re abusing the privilege
"The statistics on sanity are that one out of every four Americans are suffering from some form of mental illness. Think of your three best friends. If they're okay, then it's you."
I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize.
When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane
I want to die peacefully in my sleep like grandfather...not screaming like the passengers in his car.
Can it be a mistake that "STRESSED" is "DESSERTS" spelled backwards ??
The way to a man's heart is through his stomach.

My mind not only wanders, sometimes it leaves completely.
I have an open mind — it's just closed for repairs.
"The only thing standing between me and total happiness is reality." — Douglas Porter
"Trust your first impressions. It seems that thinking only confuses you."
"Reality ? Is that where the pizza delivery guy comes from ?"
"Never argue with idiots. The just drag you down to their level and then beat you with their experience."
"Everyone has a photographic memory. Some don't have film."
"In a fight between you and the world, back the world."
"I don't suffer from insanity. I enjoy every minute of it."
Forgive your enemies. It messes up their heads.
If you find yourself in a hole, the first thing to do is stop digging!
The optimist proclaims we live in the best of all possible worlds; the pessimist fears it is true.
Couriousity killed the cat, and satisfaction brought it back.
In a dog-eat-dog world the best thing to do is become a cat.
If the good die young then the bad die old; thus leaving us with only politicans left.
Rules are like paperclips. Meant to hold things together, fun to bend, and easy to twist out of shape.
A simple friend wonders about your romantic history A real friend could blackmail you with it.
A simple friend doesn't know your parents' first names A real friend has their phone numbers in his address book.
A simple friend, when visiting, acts like a guest. A real friend opens your refrigerator and helps themselves.

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